Posts Tagged ‘Family’
A New Chapter Begins
On January 17, 2010 I came out to family and friends via Facebook. Since many of my friends are not on Facebook, I thought I’d post my “coming out” letter here. To date I have received many heartwarming comments and well wishes from family and friends. Many have decided to re-friend me on my new Facebook account and follow my journey. I feel truly blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life. Thank you.
To those who have chosen to exit my life, I have no hard feelings. I hope someday you will reconsider and we can become part of each others lives again. However, I can no longer waste time worrying about what other people think. I’ve done that all my life and it has hindered me in many ways. I’ve chosen to accept the truth of who I am. This is the real me. Please don’t judge or hate me for that. If, and when, we do re-friend each other in real life, you’ll find that I’m the same person you knew before… whether it was as a family member, childhood friend, classmate, neighbor, coworker, etc.
By posting this letter here, I hope to help other transgender individuals with their own situations. The approach I took may not be suitable for everyone, but if a little bit helps, that’s great. Please note that I discussed my situation with close family members and friends in-person (or via phone) before going public.
Unfortunately, my decision to pursue inner peace and happiness also comes at a cost to others… in particular my wife and children. They realize this is something I must do to survive and I thank them for all their love and support. Whether I’m Dio, Devin, or whomever, I will always love them and be part of their lives.
An Open Letter To All My Friends…
This is one of the most difficult letters I’ve ever had to write. I’m not sure how to start, so I’ll follow my thoughts from recent discussions with my family and close friends. I wish I could speak with all of you in person, but it’s just not possible. For my Class of ‘84 classmates, our 25th reunion last November was just not the right time to bring this up. Sorry.
Since my earliest childhood memories I’ve struggled with something that has brought me much pain in my lifetime. I thought I could suppress my feelings, but unfortunately those feelings would always win. My reluctance to share these feelings with family and friends over time has lead to many health issues, emotional torment, and clinical depression for me.
Several years ago my bubble burst and I realized I couldn’t continue living miserably and faking it like I have all these years. I started seeing a therapist in NYC and came to the realization of what I’ve known for some time… that I’m transgender (and more specifically, transsexual). In other words, I don’t identify with the gender I was assigned at birth and I’m uncomfortable in my own body. My subconscious sex is not aligned with my physical sex.
I’ve thought about my gender dissonance pretty much every minute of the day throughout my life and it’s something that has been the root of immense emotional distress and distraction. I’ve been very depressed about these feelings throughout my life and several times have come close to suicide. However, recently I’ve come to accept my transsexuality and have decided to make things right. I have decided to transition to live and present as female full-time. Yes, this a complicated matter and it affects many people dear to me… my wife, children, family, friends, coworkers, etc. If I could have it any other way, I would, but this is something I NEED to do… to survive.
I’ve chosen to keep this message short and to the point. I’m always open to questions (see the FAQ below) and there are many resources on the Internet. I hope you will familiarize yourself with the transgender spectrum. More importantly, I’m hoping that all of you will choose to remain in my life as I embark on this journey. If some of you don’t, that’s okay. I understand and will miss you, but this is who I am and can no longer deny it.
I intend to permanently deactivate this Facebook account in the coming weeks. I welcome any friend requests at my new Facebook account. I hope to see you there.
D
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FAQ
Q: When did you realize you were transgender?
A: I felt different starting with my earliest childhood memories. I didn’t know what it was or how to express it… it confused me. For many years through adolescence and beyond I thought I was just a male heterosexual crossdresser (and in later years maybe bigendered). However, in recent years I realized this had nothing to do with clothing or femininity, but more so with the dissonance between my subconcious sex and physical sex. Simply put, I’m not happy with my body. This is something you’re born with, not a result of upbringing or environment.
Q: Does this mean you are gay?
A: Gender identity is very independent from sexual orientation. From a gender identity perspective I identify as female and from a sexual orientation perspective I consider myself pansexual (or bisexual for those who believe in the gender binary). FYI, transsexuals have the same sexual orientations as natural born males and females… straight, gay, bi, etc.
Q: Are you going to get surgery?
A: Transition from male to female can involve various types of surgery… facial feminization surgery, top surgery (breast implants), and bottom surgery. At this point I’m choosing to see how Mother Nature treats me (hormones; which I’ve been on for several months now). I’m not sure at this point if any surgery is in my future.
Q: What about your family?
A: My wife and I love each other very much and will always be in each others lives. We’re taking it day by day and very slowly with our children. My siblings, mother, relatives, and in-laws have all been very understanding and supportive. Many transgender individuals don’t have it as good. I feel blessed.
Q: Are you seeing a psychiatrist?
A: I continue to see a psychologist who specializes in gender issues. I also belong to a support group and have made many friends in the transgender community in the NYC metro area. My physician is also very familiar with transgender healthcare. I’m confident I’m in good hands.
Q: What about work?
A: As many of you know, I left corporate America over a year ago. I continue with my freelance photography and enjoy it very much. A benefit of my chosen field is that it is gender neutral. Time will tell if I need to reconsider. At this point I’m not thinking about going back to corporate America. Please note that many transgender men and women successfully transition in the corporate workplace. The support, education, and laws are in place to help and protect them. However, many transgender individuals in various states are still very vulnerable. Gender discrimination needs to end.
Q: “Devin”?
A: I currently have chosen to go by the name Devin. Many people in the transgender community already know me by that name. Plus, most of my paparazzo bylines in the press have been listed as “Devin”. I’m not certain if this will be my legal name. I may opt to keep my given name. You can also call me “D” or Dio, if you like. It’s all good.
Q: What’s next?
A: I’m taking it day by day. I know the journey ahead will be difficult. However, I feel very confident and content with my decision and the direction I’m heading… something I’ve never felt before in my life. The truth has set me free.
* Please be sure to read this Q & A by the American Psychological Association. It goes into more detail about Transgender Individuals and Gender Identity.
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FEB 01, 2010 UPDATE: I am now considering returning to corporate America for employment.
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Tags: coming out, Facebook, Family, Friends, lgbt, transgender, transsexual
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Jan 18th, 2010
Project 365 – Day 109
iFun
Aidan has fallen in love with the iPhone… especially the sports games. Here he demonstrates “Downhill Bowling” to his cousin Claudia, who just happened to be celebrating her First Communion. Congratulations Claudia!
Shot with a Panasonic Lumix DMC-LX3 and post-processed in Adobe Lightroom 2.3.
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Tags: Aidan, claudia, communion, Family, iPhone, lumix, lx3, Project 365
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Apr 19th, 2009
Project 365 – Day 108
Sydney
My niece came to visit this weekend. Too cute!
Shot with a Nikon D3 and Nikkor f/1.4 50mm. Post-processed in Adobe Lightroom 2.3.
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Tags: baby, Family, girl, niece, Project 365, sydney
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Apr 18th, 2009
Project 365 – Day 105
No Wii Until You're Done With My Taxes!
I couldn’t figure out all that depreciation stuff on my Schedule C so I had my son try to figure it out. Here Kyle diligently tries to complete my return so he can go play Nintendo Wii. Although, he still has to do his homework and mow the lawn before he gets to that. He’s a sharp 7-year-old… I’m confident he’ll complete everything on time. He better. No free ride in this house.
Shot with a Nikon D3 and Nikkor f/1.4 50mm. Post-processed in Adobe Lightroom 2.3. (Oh, BTW, just kidding about the above… he’s just doing his homework). 
Tags: d3, Family, homework, Kyle, nikon, Project 365
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Apr 15th, 2009